I’m laying on the cold hard ground inside of a rusty dark closet. I am trying to calm my breathing, and I am trying to stop the tears that won’t stop flowing. I am almost to the point of passing out, and I feel vomit creeping up my throat. I feel my insides filling up with fluid, and I feel the shadow of shame creep over my thoughts. I begin my usual routine when this happens. I rapidly type an apology note on my iPhone, begging for love and forgiveness. I creep out of the closet only to find him smugly sitting on the couch watching a show. Scared to look him in the eye, I hand him my phone and beg him to read the note. He puts the phone down and smiling says “I can’t deal with you when you cry like this; it’s an embarrassment, so you need to go back into the closet.” I feel light headed and think back to how when I met him, he would hold me close and whisper sweet lullabies in my ear until I felt better. I wouldn’t even admit to myself, that he was the one who caused the panic attack I was having.
The most common questions that most survivors start asking themselves after getting out of a narcissistic relationship are:
How could I have been so blind?
Why didn’t I listen to all the warning signs?
How could I have put up with being treated so horribly and not even realize?
How could he be telling all these people these horrible things about me?
How could I have stayed with them long enough to have children and to get our children wrapped up in this mess?
I recently had a good friend of mine recommend the book, Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. I haven’t even finished it, yet I HAVE to post my insights on the book from the point of view of a survivor of narcissistic abuse. What parts of our minds truly knew what was happening to us while we were in these toxic relationships? Did my mind ever unconsciously sense that this relationship was going to be a bad one the first time we met our abusers? Can our unconscious sense the evil within the sweet, loving facade of narcissists even when our conscious mind could not? If so, at what point did our conscious mind finally pick up on what our unconscious mind could always see?
There are countless innocent people who have the unfortunate opportunity to have a manipulator enter their life whether that is a friend, coworker, acquaintance, classmate, or worst of all… boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. These types of people are very good at deception which makes it difficult sometimes to notice their evil tactics of controlling people, especially when they lie to make it seem as if they truly care for you and are doing the things they are doing to make you “happy” or “more successful in life”. Here are some ways that you might be able to identify if someone you know or may seem to love might be a Master Manipulator, or what others might call a Narcissist.