You Still Have Worth: Surviving the Fight
When All Hope Seems Lost
The most common questions that most survivors start asking themselves after getting out of a narcissistic relationship are:
How could I have been so blind?
Why didn’t I listen to all the warning signs?
How could I have put up with being treated so horribly and not even realize?
How could he be telling all these people these horrible things about me?
How could I have stayed with them long enough to have children and to get our children wrapped up in this mess?
Why me?!
I recently had a good friend of mine recommend the book, Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell. I haven’t even finished it, yet I HAVE to post my insights on the book from the point of view of a survivor of narcissistic abuse. What parts of our minds truly knew what was happening to us while we were in these toxic relationships? Did my mind ever unconsciously sense that this relationship was going to be a bad one the first time we met our abusers? Can our unconscious sense the evil within the sweet, loving facade of narcissists even when our conscious mind could not? If so, at what point did our conscious mind finally pick up on what our unconscious mind could always see?
Narcissists are so good at what they do that most victims have no idea what kind of person they really are dating. It took me months to realize this even when I had friends and family telling me that they didn’t like my boyfriend, Alex, and didn’t support our relationship. Even after all of these statements were made, I still defended him and made excuses for him, especially saying things like “you don’t understand him as I do” or “you just have to give him a chance, he just comes off a little rough at first” or “he’s going through something right now, so he’s not himself”.
Even if there is some truth to those statements, this is another way we are trying to convince ourselves that everyone else is wrong and that you are in no danger. Unfortunately, that may not be the case.
There are countless innocent people who have the unfortunate opportunity to have a manipulator enter their life whether that is a friend, coworker, acquaintance, classmate, or worst of all… boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse. These types of people are very good at deception which makes it difficult sometimes to notice their evil tactics of controlling people, especially when they lie to make it seem as if they truly care for you and are doing the things they are doing to make you “happy” or “more successful in life”. Here are some ways that you might be able to identify if someone you know or may seem to love might be a Master Manipulator, or what others might call a Narcissist.