I’m laying on the cold hard ground inside of a rusty dark closet. I am trying to calm my breathing, and I am trying to stop the tears that won’t stop flowing. I am almost to the point of passing out, and I feel vomit creeping up my throat. I feel my insides filling up with fluid, and I feel the shadow of shame creep over my thoughts. I begin my usual routine when this happens. I rapidly type an apology note on my iPhone, begging for love and forgiveness. I creep out of the closet only to find him smugly sitting on the couch watching a show. Scared to look him in the eye, I hand him my phone and beg him to read the note. He puts the phone down and smiling says “I can’t deal with you when you cry like this; it’s an embarrassment, so you need to go back into the closet.” I feel light headed and think back to how when I met him, he would hold me close and whisper sweet lullabies in my ear until I felt better. I wouldn’t even admit to myself, that he was the one who caused the panic attack I was having.
Archives for March 2019
Why Me?! The Most Common Questions Most Survivors Ask Themselves
The most common questions that most survivors start asking themselves after getting out of a narcissistic relationship are:
How could I have been so blind?
Why didn’t I listen to all the warning signs?
How could I have put up with being treated so horribly and not even realize?
How could he be telling all these people these horrible things about me?
How could I have stayed with them long enough to have children and to get our children wrapped up in this mess?
Why me?!
Escaping Abuse: Ella Carter’s Story
My name is Ella Carter, and I am currently 18 years old and a senior in high school. When I was 15 I was in a class with my now ex which later sparked a relationship. For the first few months, he was so sweet and had a personality that would grasp you and pull you in.
Eventually, the sweet guy I was dating turned into someone I would eventually despise. After a year and seven months, we decided we should break up after he had cheated on me multiple times. I thought we would be done for good since he already had a new girlfriend only two days after we broke up, but I was wrong.